Updated: Jun 2, 2020
I had always wondered what the point of the shapes of the Asana practice was about. Why are we pointing in that direction?, how does this stuff link together?, why are different teachers doing similar and different things? Through my studies in CBT and Mindfulness, I knew there was more to it but had no idea what the ‘more’ was.
I felt I needed that wisdom to really feel I could be truly ‘in’ an asana practice otherwise it was just like hitting play on a fitness dvd and jumping about a bit slower. It wasn’t enough…
When starting to formally study on the Foundation Course I was finally reading, hearing and experiencing the Yoga Sutras as gathered up by Patanjali. There was wisdom on self care, interpersonal connection, mind calming, concentration and focus… I felt like someone had given me a key to a door that was new and yet already familiar through my CBT and mindfulness training. Yoga was not going to be a fitness dvd experience!
It became so much more than a work out – more like a work in!
I was excited and terrified about where this would lead me. I wasn’t sure if my body was capable or that I was willing to step into a space and own my physical body, its shape, size and scars. I wasn’t sure if when I spoke anything would be heard… I wasn’t sure what was needing to be heard. Part of me wanted to be silent, invisible, unseen as I was in my younger years. Something else was fighting against that… I was tired of carrying around the hurt, the neglected parts of me that I felt nothing for, the shame of years of being treated badly then treating myself badly. It was a whisper at the start… but somewhere inside said… ‘you need this’.
I arrived in a cold wee village hall in the middle of Ayrshire, rolled out my mat and started the hard road that was to become my journey back to a connection to a body I had probably discarded over 20 years before.